Dead Sushi - The Movie

I suppose I love kitsch. Though love is a rather strong word to be bandying about. Let's just say that when kitsch is made available to me, I appreciate it.

Let's look at a 2012 Japanese flick (made available to me by my buddy Vinny) called Dead Sushi (デッド寿司).

Basically, it's about sushi coming to life and attacking people - and not via indigestion or ass burns from too much wasabi.

Thankfully, this is a comedy-horror film, and, would you believe it, it owes its existence to a better known 2010 movie called Piranha 3D... an American movie.

Now before we all go blaming the Americans for helping foster more trashy Japanese flicks, we can blame the Japanese... after all, it was the popularity of the movie Piranha 3D in Japan that gave pause to Dead Sushi director and writer Iguchi Noburu (surname first), who thought - why not.

Why not, indeed? It's kitsch.

I once saw a double bill some 25 years ago featuring Doctor Butcher M.D., and Surf Nazis Must Die.

Piece of crap movies, right? Right. So how come I can't get the trailer for one of the flicks out of my head 25 years later?

"She's big, she's bad, she's Black! She's Leroy's momma, in: Surf Nazis Must Die".

I heard that once, and it is forever in my head. At least I hope I got the words right. Who knows... even a 147 IQ starts to dim when not challenged enough (it's probably why I challenge myself with multiple blogs that I have to research, along with my day job as a writer - hell, I should be finishing an article rather than be doing this!).

You all thought I was kidding about those movies, didn't you? I wouldn't lie to you. 

So... where was I? See... an IQ of 146...

Dead Sushi stars such famed actors as: Takeda Rina, Matsuzaki Shigeru and Suga Takamasa - all surnames first.

Here's more of the plot: The daughter of a famous sushi chef leaves home and goes to work at a rural hot spring. Now... I am unsure why, but the workers there and even some of the guest who work for Komatsu Pharmaceuticals, all seem to think she is ripe for teasing and bullying.

Now... here is where I would expect her father to come into the story and invent some sort of killer sushi to take revenge on the people bullying his daughter... but no.

Apparently a Komatsu researcher comes to the inn seeking revenge. On whom and for what, I am not quite sure at this juncture. But there must be just cause, right? How else to explain him creating a serum that turns fish on rice into killer sushi?

Yes... bloodthirsty sushi.

That means our girl Keiko, who has sushi-making training to come to the rescue... along with some other dude who was a former sushi chef to chop up the killer sushi before things get out of hand. Luckily, Keiko also has some bad-ass martial arts training.  Hell, so do I... in four different martial arts, but I never seem to get attacked by killer sushi. I guess that's the high price I pay for living in Toronto, not to mention the high price of sushi here, which I won't.

As an aside, on Thursday past, I had eel sushi for lunch, and then my wife decided to surprise me by ordering unagi (eel) on rice for me, with some sushi. I want you to know that I attacked that sushi with a zeal that would have surprised even the most hell-bent sushi craving revenge for my grotesque appetite for destruction.

Anyhow... it all sounds like a stupid movie, right? Well... surprisingly enough, it's not. But it is. It's well-done comedic camp with a hint of vinegar and rice, that will have you wanting more. You always want more sushi. Even when you know it's trying to kill you.

Available in Japanese language from Amazon.com.

Cheers
Andrew "I'm still hungry' Joseph

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Baseball Experience Less Expensive In Japan

Having recently spent $150 on a pair of decent, but not overly exceptional tickets to the Toronto Blue Jays baseball game to go with my seven-year-old, I became curious as to what the experience must be like at a Japanese ball park.

Hell... in Toronto, we pay something like $11 for a beer, which is about ¥1025... which is ridiculous... because if you were to buy the same beer from The Beer Store or LCBO here in Ontario, it might cost you only $4 at the most.... I'm talking the tallboys, not your standard beer.

I know a couple of hot dogs and a couple of cokes cost me around $22 (¥2050), but we got to keep the cups to re-use for a refill... though the damn things were so huge even I - who used to drink two liters of Coke a day (no wonder my blood sugars are high!) - could barely finish one. I have no idea how my seven-year-old survived - and without hitting the washroom!!!!    

Anyhow... I saw a comment in the Toronto Star where I used to work as a reporter, where someone wrote:


In Japan…you can bring your own food into the stadium. Koshien Stadium, for the Hanshin Tigers has a grocery store right next to it, filled with awesome food you can bring in…no problem.
If you bring beer, you just have to let them pour it into a paper cup for you. Any size.
If you want to buy beer in the stands, they have armies of smiling, happy, beautiful girls with kegs on their backs, 500 yen (about 5 bucks) for a huge cup of Asahi, and no tipping.
Here, if I get free tickets, I go. But I stuff myself full of Indian buffet beforehand. Tandoori chicken baby! The same price for ONE watered down cup of sludge at the Dome (Toronto's stadium).

The photo above... that's my Hanshin Tigers coin purse that I bought back in 1990 when I was traveling (IE lost) by myself  in Osaka.   

Oh yeah - I forgot - if you do buy a beer from a server in Toronto... you should tip... and no one wants to look cheap, so you always add on the largest coin in your change - in variably $2... for 10 seconds of work. I don't begrudge the server, however. People have to make a living....

 Usually, I drive to the ballpark - $5 of gas there and back, and have to pay $20 for parking....  but this time I took the subway, and only had to pay $7.50 for both of us. My purchase of a $10 FOAM FINGER, however, kind of negated any savings. Oh yeah... and the program - which I bought from this same guy who I first recall working there back in 1977 when I was 12, when Toronto got the the Blue Jays expansion team. He and I have a laugh every year when we met. 

oh well... in Japan... and in other places like Florida or Tampa, you can still go to a ball game and not need to scrimp and save the rest of the week until you get paid again and can once again afford to have a nice meal at home.

This is the type of stuff--along with buying LEGO and coaching my son's soccer team--that I do instead of taking a vacation.

Geez... I just realized I haven't taken a 2013 vacation day yet. And... now it gets busy at work again. Crap.

Oh yeah... the Blue Jays won that day with my son... but it was (for him) a boring pitcher's duel. Me... it keeps me on the edge of my seat. Still... it was better than the game we went to two years ago, when I bought $100 seats each and sat in the third row down the first baseline - got an autograph from a Tampa pitcher - Mat Garza (nice guy!) - and then was mortified when my boy wanted to go home before the game finished... in the second inning.

Anyhow... if anyone has seen a Japanese ball game live, I would be curious about YOUR expenses.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph  

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Japan Needs Real MILFs For Porn

Don't you believe that it's an age thing - at least not when it comes to me. I have always had a major heart-on for the older woman - the MILF, if you will.

You know what MILF means, right? All my female friends are pretty much all MILFS. It stands for "Mothers I'd Like to F**k".

From the days as a five-year-old in grade two when I would lie on the wooden floor of my private school so that mother's coming to pick up their kids would have to step over me—I had no idea what I should be looking for, but I knew I wanted to see it; to the healthier crush I had on my friend's mom when I was a pre-teen and she was a former national-level basketball blonde queen in her native Lithuania, who was always working on her tan during the hot and sultry Toronto summers; to being 26 and a recently plucked virgin no-more candidly interested in sleeping with any woman who would have me - a Japanese music teacher at one of my schools who was in her early 40s and a 35-year-old fellow assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme who just so happened to have been a former nude model; to nowadays as a 40-something strapping young man with nary a grey hair on his head (even though I love to play jokes and pranks, I swear it's all natural - sorry… I'm laughing…), who prefers a mature woman with an intelligence over the younger kind (sorry, Sharona)…

(By the way - I'm not saying what I did as a 5-year-old was excusable... I'm just telling you what I recall doing.) 

But that's just me. I certainly used to enjoy sleeping with women my own age… and I still do, only now they are in that MILF category.

Which means (as I understand the universe as a 40-something-year-old) these women of maturity don't really need a categorization.

But whither Japan?

Japan's men have supposedly long held an obscenely long fascination with women who look like they are of the schoolgirl age, possessing what can only be described as a Lolita Complex.

But is it a correct stereotype?

According to the porno industry of Japan, perhaps better known as the AV industry (adult video, as opposed to the audio video club, who were those kids even nerdier than myself—my serfs—who knew how to work the school projector back before video tapes and DVDs) it seems like the Japanese industry craves it so it makes a whole lotta Lolita porn for the male clientele.

Certainly there is a large cross-section of men who seem to enjoy that - personally… the only time I ever wanted to screw a teenaged girl was when I was a teenaged boy… though I will come clean and mention that while 29 and in Japan, I did date and sleep with an 18-year-old DD-cup babe who by looks alone should have been a major AV star - but, I did not actually have sex with her. I still don't know why, but the very next day after my date with her concluded (where we just lay together in the same bed—with me tightly pressed up against her, and she constantly wriggling back onto of me - we went to Tokyo Disneyland the next day) I met Nobuko. Dating Nobuko, by the way, was worth me not sleeping with Shinobu and maintaining a non-aided hard-on for 22 hours in that bed. Never done that before or since. Never want to do that again anyhow…

But nowadays, Japan seems to be growing up (I'll know they have finally grown up when one doesn't find a samurai drama on TV), and is watching and demanding a lot more porn with mature women as the come-again starlet… Japan needs more MILF porn, and Japan needs more MILF porn actresses.

Ahhh, Japan. We agree on so many things. Just not your current politics…

How much does Japan want MILF porn? Apparently, in order to find work in the Japanese AV industry, beautiful, young 25-year-old Japanese actresses are lying about their age saying they are beautiful, young 45-year-old actresses.

Interesting… lying to be older to get INTO porn seems to be a long-standing tradition amongst Iowa corn girls having arrived in Van Nuys, California back in the 1980s on up, but in Japan, these are actually girls of legal age trying to get a leg-up as actresses as MILF porn stars.

More demand by its discriminating audience means more money paid for a real laid back acting role. Did you know that a MILF actress gets to take home about 40% of a movie's sales? Sound great, right? Making money, hand over fist?

Well… consider that a movie only needs to sell 500 copies to make a profit (I believe they save a lot of money by not requiring a costume director or a script writer)… but nowadays, with MILF porn becoming a valued commodity, and Japanese viewers now appreciating a softer, curvier view, MILF porno flicks often sell in the 5,000 copy range.

That's interesting. I always assumed there was only one person who actually purchased any porno movie and copied it and sold it, or gave it away as a pirated copy to his pervert friends. This is known as real pirate booty. 

Want to know how screwy things are?

Back in September of 1999, there was a famous (for the Japanese AV industry, of course) incident that had Japanese porno viewers aghast that the industry actually used a virgin (debuting actress, actually) 31-year-old actress named Kawana Mariko who starred in a flick called "34 Year-Old Mother Mariko". (That's her on the box cover up above)

People were upset because the Japanese AV industry dared to lie to them by pumping the age of Mariko from 31 to a fake 34.

How could the AV industry lie to its consumers? Was there no honor (and stay on 'er) amongst Japanese porno film makers?

By the way, Mariko was born on November 9 (one day after me), but in 1967 and is 1.65 meters (5 feet-5 inches) tall. So... Mariko was turning 32 in two more months... so it was only a two-year lie. WTF Japan!?

Okay… I need a break. Anyone else wants some ice cream or some juice?

We'll meet back later for more fun in the buff with Japan—It's A Wonderful Rife.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

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Internet Fasting Camps For Web-Addicted Kids

Today (the 28th) is the 12th wedding anniversary of your favorite blogger.

I meant me, dammit. So... something short and written 12 hours before it's posted... as I always create for a midnight (my time) delivery.


Is your child spending far too much time on the Internet, and not concentrating on things he or she should be concentrating on? Then perhaps you need to send your child to a concentration camp.

Hmm... I just read that... that sounds bad... and not entirely correct, in this case.

Japan, much like the rest of the world, realizes that today's children are spending an inordinate amount of time on the Internet.

Whether it's surfing for porn, downloading music or videos, playing games, talking to friends... kids spend too much time on-line rather than doing something constructive like homework, studying, playing, going outside, actually meeting up with friends... things you can only do whenever you want as a kid.

So... in an effort to deal with an estimated 500,000 Japanese kids supposedly addicted to the world-wide web, Japan says it is going to propose setting-up Internet Fasting Camps.

It's not a done deal. It's only thinking about doing something about internet addiction.

According to some Japan government spokesperson (I'm always leery when I can't find a name to back up the claim), Internet addiction affects some 518,000 children at junior and high schools across Japan (approximate ages of 12-18 years-old), but the figure is rising.

There is supposed to be a survey asking over 98,000 Japanese youth, whereby 8.1% of them admitted to being 'pathologically' addicted to the Internet, and reported trouble sleeping and poor nutrition.

The other 91.9% of the youth admitted they did not know what the word 'pathologically' meant. I'm kidding - this fact was made-up by myself... but who knows for realsies?

Does the blogger think we are Japanese? No, he just thinks we are sad for not paying attention to each other. Your phone skin is pretty. Thanks... I like your apps.

Ill-timed jokes aside, the proposed Internet Fasting Camps will have zero access to the Internet, smart phones or video games. In fact, to counter this, the youth will be encouraged to play sports and other outdoor activities at the days-long events.

Okay... is it just me or is this not what summer camp was like 20 years ago? Kids used to go and sleep in a log cabin, eat food with a bunch of other kids whose parent's hated them, and then go swimming in leech-infested lakes before making some wallets out of leather and beading the way the Native American or First Nations Indians would have, if they ever had a wallet back in the old days when they made their own clothing for things other than special ceremonies and for the tourist trade.

Oh... and then you burned marshmallows, applied some sort of lotion to your skin to keep the snake venom from killing you, and then set up the mosquito mesh to keep the bats from flying over your head and pooping guacamole onto you.

You know... the way camping really was! Fun!

So... Japan is setting up a camp - calling it something special like the Internet Fasting Camp - and then having it be exactly the way a camp ought to be? I hope they charge a lot of money...

Why?

Because if Japanese parents are stupid enough to need to send kids to a special camp because they are addicted... there's a greater problem... and it involves the parents.

Even in Japan, kids learn many important life lessons from their parents.

Perhaps it's because I'm not there yet with my seven-year-old... but can't you just take away all of the things that would make a kid antsy?


Place the computer in the family room - limit time on the computer to 30 minutes a day. A cellphone but NO internet access. Unplug the PS3. Take away the Nintendo 3DS.

Seriously... why does a 14-year-old need a cell phone? Look, ever since Alexander Graham Bell built the first telephone, his kid immediately got on it to call a friend. They talked for hours, even though there was only one phone. In the world.

Oh... but I need to make sure I know where they are - that they got home safe.

What... like 30 years ago parents didn't care about their kids? Couldn't the kid call you from the home phone? Aren't they smart enough to do that? If plans change, pay phones though rare do exist. Or call from a friend's house.

Where there's a will... there's a way.

Why are parents—and for the purposes of this blog, Japanese parents—enabling their kids?

Yeah, yeah... you could say... but Suzkuki-san could go to a friend's house after school and play video games.

Maybe. But why are you calling your own son 'Mister Suzuki'? And shouldn't the kids be in a school club activity? It's mandatory for everyone to volunteer for a club activity in junior and senior high school in Japan.

If the kids do skip out... why isn't a parent about at home to watch the little bastard? While not impossible, more often than not there is a family member at home at all times. A parent. Grandparent. or the parents of your grandparents.  It's Japan. There's always a relative at the house.

Parents pay for the phone and internet plans, right? Enabling...

Okay... I'm being flippant. I already see my son spending a lot of time playing video games, but when it's time to do work, all visual stimuli are removed or shut off. I'm trying to be a semi-responsible parent.

The Internet Fasting Camp, is not your typical North American-style camp, however... like the classic 'fat camps' for overweight kids, the plan is for professional (I'm guessing that professionals will be used) counselors will be present in an effort to better help your Princess Peach get control over their digital viewing habits.

It does sound like a good idea, as I am sure there are quite a few Internet addicted kids out there, not only in Japan.

Just take a walk through a shopping mall... and see how many youths and adults are walking with their heads down - not looking where they are going - and fiddling with their cell phones and texts, rather than text books.

And, for the record... I do not have a cell phone, smart phone, pager, MP3 or MP4, iPad, iPod, iRaq, iRan, Tablet... or any hand-held device except for my penis. I do not have a lap-top computer either. I'm at home, at work or I'm out. Work people contact me during work hours. Home people can contact me at home. When I'm out - I'm out.

I love listening to comedy or music in the car, and as long as I have enough gas, I don't care if I'm in a traffic jam. It already takes me between 40 - 60 minutes of driving each way to get to work/home... and that's better than many in Toronto.... but I love not being bothered at that time... my brain just gets a chance to unwind.

Somewhere preachy,
Andrew 'can't Bell this cat' Joseph

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Best Prank Ever

People... watch the best prank ever... and it's on Japanese TV... though the You Tube video was posted by a Korean. The nationality makes no difference, of course... I'm just wondering why no Japanese person posted this!

Still... you gotta love Japanese TV. This kind of torture is funny.

Geezus... the poor guy must have messed his pants up really bad! We know the poor tarento girl did!

BTW... I did too... from laughing.

Cheers,
Andrew Joseph

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Gaijin Wolverine? WTF?

For all you Wolverine fans out there, check out this 2004 San Diego Comic Con and Chicago Wizard World exclusive toy.

This is the Mariko/Gaijin Wolverine Marvel Minimates 'action figure(s).

Mariko was Wolverine's boring Japanese girlfriend. Of course, she's the daughter of a Japanese crime lord, proving that Wolverine (aka Logan) is not the only Canadian gaijin who sure can pick'em!

Now… I was there in Chicago in 2004, but by the time I got over to the appropriate booth - it was gone. I'm kidding. Even being in my 30s then I was far too old for this... I only collected comic books.

But… check out the Wolverine…  there have been other Wolverine characters (six in total) made by Marvel Minimates as of this creation in 2004 (and no I don't care how many have been made as of 2013)… but why is THIS one called the 'Gaijin' Wolverine?

Gaijin Wolverine. Audible sigh.

Wolverine is a Canadian, who was born with the mutant ability to slowly age (he's around 150 years old), has bone claws that can be extended and retracted from each hand, has a keen sense of smell, and a superb healing ability. Later his entire skeleton was injected and is now covered with Adamantium, a made-up indestructible metal alloy in the Marvel Comics universe.

Wolvie is perhaps the most popular Marvel Comics character out there. He's Marvel's answer to the dark, moody and vicious Batman.

Anyhow… Marvel Minimates are manufactured by Diamond Selects… and excluding a Wolverine character nicknamed Patch (from his time in southeast Asia from the on-going Wolverine comic book series), Wolverine pretty much just has a different costume on and has his claws jutting out. Snikt!

So what's with the effing 'Gaijin' moniker for this set?

Is it because he's got a Japanese girlfriend? Ha-ha… okay, I get it. Very funny Diamond Selects.

But then again… WTF?

See that other Marvel Minimates two-pack above? It's the Battle-Scarred Thing (of the Fantastic Four) either battling or teaming up with Gaijin Wolverine II (he has a mask on now).

Again with the gaijin crack.

How is this Wolverine a gaijin?

He's not hanging out with his Japanese girlfriend! And… I bet she NEVER called him a gaijin! Certainly not to his face... after all, like all gaijin, he's a homicidal maniac. Now... her crime lord father might call Logan a gaijin… but not Mariko!

So… why is Wolverine being called a gaijin in his box alongside The 'battle-scarred' Thing?

Is it because he's Canadian?

Do American's have something against us Canadian snowbacks? Did my former American friend Tom actually call me a snowback once?

Just so you know… Tom is dead now.

I didn't kill him, but that doesn't change that fact.

Snowback and now gaijin?! Blame Canada?

That's enough of that. I'm taking my hockey net and going home.

Kiss my ass Marvel Universe. I always did prefer DC best. How can you make a movie starring one of the most beautiful women on the planet (Jessica Alba) and have her star as The Invisible Girl!!!!??? from the Fantastic Four?

Gaijin Wolverine? Oh that the race of men could sink so low…

I love Japanese women… but in the comics, Mariko was boring… why make an 'un-action' figure of her?

Oh… and Jessica?… Call me, babe. We'll get some maple-glazed donuts.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

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Kamikaze

Japanese Kamikaze Pilot: "I am confident I can destroy a transport ship with my 500 kilogram bomb. If I succeed, can I come back?"

Japanese Commanding Officer: "No… you must die."

Being a child of the 1960s and a student of all eras of history, two of the things that initially attracted me to Japan was its participation in World War II—particularly the atomic bombings and its kamikaze. In fact, I told the JET Programme people interviewing me that I really wanted to talk about the war with the elder folks... to get a different insight on war, rather than what was written by the winners

I don't believe I have actually written anything about the kamikaze, except perhaps a pretty damned detailed article on the Ohka, Japan's suicide rocket planes, a little known forerunner to the kamikaze plane attacks that the rest of the world actually knows about.

So… let's look at the kamikaze.

I recently (Sunday night) watched a well-done documentary released in 2008 called Day Of The Kamikaze, which tries to explain just how it is that the country could elicit such rampant devotion as to be willing to go on suicide missions. It's on NetFlix, if you have that available.

What do we know about the kamikaze (translates to 'God Wind or Divine Wind')? We (non-Japanese) tend to think of them as insane suicide pilots willing to fly and crash their airplanes into Allied ships during WWII.

That much is true, but they were anything but insane.

And yet, many an Allied military person who felt the wrath of the kamikaze, would have this singular opinion: "That's not the way you are supposed to fight a war."

What could make entire squadrons of Japanese aircraft fly to their deaths? Brainwashing? Of a sort.

It had more to do with the fact that the Japanese were firm believers in their own history of samurai traditions.

Death before dishonor. I know that's not known as a Japanese statement, but where do you think the US took it from? It was a Japanese idiom.

Let's go back to the Spring of 1945. Japan is already on the brink of defeat after a plethora of air-raids have done some major damage to its mainland cities.

Saipan (which I have visited - see my photo photo directly below), was an important Japanese stronghold. Rather than surrender, Japanese civilians and soldiers leaped to their death shouting 'Banzai'. More suicide. Death before dishonor.

Atop Suicide Cliff in Saipan - the spot where many Japanese civilians and soldiers leaped to their deaths rather than surrender to the US. Photo by Andrew Joseph.

When Saipan was lost to the Allies on July 15, 1944, US forces began launched B-29 Superfortress bombing attacks on the Japanese main islands.

But, if you didn't know it… a wounded and cornered animal can also be the most dangerous, because it has nothing left to lose.

Just know that the U.S. plan (they did lead the Allied forces in the Pacific Theater) was to land on Japan's mainland and systematically take out out the Japanese forces city by city.

At this time, a US invasion of the Japanese mainland was only a matter of time as US planes had already decimated Japan's naval forces.

In fact… Japan pretty much only had an air force left.

After the kamikaze strategy was devised, it was left up to vice-admiral Ugaki Matome (surname first) (宇垣 纏, b: February 15, 1890 – d: August 15, 1945) to lead a new division called Tokubetsu Kōgekitai (特別攻撃隊 literally: "Special attack unit) and abbreviated to Tokkō Tai.

At this time, the US naval forces were at the Ulithi Atoll in the Caroline Islands (always wanted to be in there) south of Okinawa and Iwo Jima, with a force of 19 vessels, including many aircraft carriers, each carrying 100 planes each.

Ugaki's Tokkō Tai would require Japanese men who would be willing to sacrifice their life in order to save Japan from the anticipated US rape of its land (propaganda), but that if they could destroy Allied aircraft carriers, the Allied air supremacy would be lost.

Mitsubishi Zero A6M5 Model 52c are sent back from Korea to Kyushû island, to take part in a Kamikaze attack.

So… on March 11, 1945… an interesting date, eh? Japan launched its first kamikaze attack, in which a lone plane managed to dive and hit the USS Randolph aircraft carrier, killing from the US, 26 crewmen and injuring 105. However, despite the loss of life and damage, the vessel was not sunk and was still available for action.

Despite the losses, the US, at this time, learned that Japan will stop at nothing to win, or rather, to not lose the war.

So… who are these insanely devoted kamikaze that would so willingly give up their life in a suicide run?

Pilots were asked to volunteer from their regular squadrons, to join the Tokkō Tai.

Here's the thing… then, as now, young men were made to feel guilty if they did not volunteer.

You know… honor… it's all about maintaining face in Japan… if you were a samurai and it was your task to defend your master… should that master be killed in battle, you were expected to kill yourself in shame to maintain your family honor.

Upon signing up for the Tokkō Tai, pilots were given a choice… they could sign their name beside one of two boxes: Eager or Very Eager.

For a generation of patriotic youth whose heads had been filled with traditions of honor, love of country and family (which I'm sure sounds familiar to most of us in our own country), the whole kamikaze was impossible to resist… in fact, as part of the recruitment, pilots were told that dying as a kamikaze would make them gods.

But romantic notions aside, not everyone thought that was a good idea… that it was a matter of choice.

Hamazono Shigeyoshi (surname first) was a Navy Special Attack pilot, who says that "In a war… who could say they did not want to go… and look like a coward?"

Following that March 11, 1945 run, which the Japanese considered a failure, they decided to utilize something called the Ohka, which was, as previously mentioned, a suicide rocket. You can read my article on it HERE.

Before this could happen, the US forces took Iwo Jima (you all know that classic image of the soldiers planting the flag - see HERE and HERE).

Here's a Wikipedia on The Battle of Iwo Jima: FLAG.

The US plan after taking Iwo Jima was to take Okinawa before launching an all-out ground attack on the main islands of Japan.

But now it's March 21, 1945… and now with the US forces on Okinawa, the Japanese know that they are in range of the Ohka… and so launch 16 bombers carrying 16 Ohka rocket bombers… but only 30 fighters to act as an escort thanks to recent US attacks.

Fifty US fighter planes intercept the attack (one Japanese fighter pilot says that his heavily laden bomber must have been) "like attacking a fat old lady" for the US fighters, as the Japanese were easy pickings: 160 Japanese killed in 10 minutes.

The Thunder Gods (Ohka pilots) did not manage a single attack.

For reference, under orders from above, the captains of the Thunder Gods squadron were not allowed to fly, and thus survived… and… even to this day, they still feel shame at having survived… at having not flown with their men.

On April 1, 1945, Allied troops landed on Okinawa… expecting a deadly battle every bit as vicious as that experienced on Iwo Jima.

Here's a Wikipedia article on the Battle of Okinawa: BLOODY.

Instead, aside from a token shot or three, there was no Japanese resistance. So, 50,000 troops landed on Okinawa.

But Japan had a plan… leaving the beach unattended, it had moved its troops farther inland, seeking higher ground to pin the Allies down. Suffice to say, this would be the start of a bloody series of battles for both sides.

With the feeling that Japan would be occupied, defenses were dropped a bit, as Britain's navy (people didn't know there was a British navy in the Pacific) had moved in to join the US near Sakishima Islands - part of the disputed stuff with China nowadays.

Truthfully the US did not require British aid, but Britain needed to be there to show its lost colonies that they were still there for them: Singapore and Hong Kong, for example.

Japan launched a kamikaze attack on the British carrier HMS Indefatigable, killing 14 men.

This was the second actual kamikaze hit on vessel, and with apologies to those people, the attack again failed to do much damage.

While US troops are performing ground attacks, US ships are sending long range ammunition onto Okinawa… and Japan was prepping for another attack.

On April 4, 1945 the first of new plan was undertaken… a plan to send hundreds of kamikaze pilots and planes into the air at a single time to attack the US ships at Okinawa…

To train for this, kamikaze were trained how to do a proper kamikaze attack. Some were taught how to skim low across the surface of the water to puncture a hull with the speeding plane; other were taught how to dive.

Diving pilots were taught to fly to a height of 3,000 meters (and to fly with the sun behind them to blind the Allies), dive at an angle to a height of 1,500 meters, and then to fly in a vertical dive into the enemy. For training purposes pilots were encouraged to pull up at the 200 meter mark.

As usual, aircraft carriers were always the main target, though battleships and cruiser-class vessels were next on the pecking order.

And still… according to surviving members of the Special Attack Unit, to speak out against the tactics of the kamikaze was to be branded a traitor.

Welcome to Bushido… which translates to: "The way of the warrior"… something that encompasses over 400 years of battle and blood-stained tradition.

And… honor… it's ingrained in every single Japanese person… at least it was in 1945… you were taught to respect things… even if you didn't agree with them.

On April 6, 1945… that new round of flooding the skies daily with kamikaze began. On that day, 17 ships were sunk, but no aircraft carriers were destroyed, but 367 US men were killed.

Again… with the wave after wave of Japanese kamikaze attacks, the US learned that the Japanese "had no respect for life" and that if they were to land on the Japanese mainlands, it would be a long and dangerous war.

On April 6, still, three US aircraft managed to intercept a Japanese kamikaze pilot… and over the next 35 minutes took turns trying to take him out. The pilot says he did not want to die and was jerking his plane every which way he could in order to stay alive.

After that 35 minutes, the Japanese pilot was surprised to see the American planes wave its wings at him before departing. A sign of respect. The Japanese pilot says he returned the gesture. Both flew home… but the Japanese plane had some 78 holes in his plane, and if he looked down where his feet were, could see the water thanks to the bullet holes.

Although he crashed upon landing, and had a few bullet fragments in his leg, he survived.

Now… with Japan's navy a complete mess, it quickly built the Yamato… her and sister ship the Musahi (sunk during the Battle of Leyte Gulf on October 24, 1944) were the heaviest and most powerfully-armed battleships the world had ever seen… sailing, with a host of escorts vessels towards the action at Okinawa… but it too was armed with suicide orders.

It was to attack the Allied ships with its guns… and when too badly damaged, it was to beach itself and then continue fighting, with its men engaging the enemy on land.

This was an order. Not a volunteer mission.

Luckily enough, long before it got near Okinawa, Allied subs saw the Yamato on April 7, 1945, and with 11 torpedoes and eight armor piercing bombs making hits, the Yamato was sunk, along with the other escort vessels.

Japanese battleship Yamato blows up, following massive attacks by U.S. Navy carrier planes north of Okinawa. An escorting destroyer is at left.
Photographed from a USS Yorktown (CV-10) plane.
Collection of Fleet Admiral Chester W. Nimitz, USN.

For reference… the deaths suffered by the Japanese on this naval attack was about double that as what the US suffered at Pearl Harbor…

The Yamato and its escorts were essentially the last Japanese naval vessels on the sea. And… now Japan had no way of getting reinforcements to Okinawa.

But… Japan still had more kamikaze. There are always people willing to die for a cause.

Knowing that Japan lacked ships to bring more troops, fuel or food to Okinawa, the US set up 14 naval destroyers around the island - armed with radar - to provide its attacking forces on the island a heads up. Being on the outside around Okinawa, these radar-carrying US destroyers were quite vulnerable.

On April 12, the second heavy wave of kamikaze attacks began. After the initial wave of attacks involving regular kamikaze airplanes, an Ohka rocket blasted into the USS Mannert L. Abele destroyer, sinking it.

On May 8, 1945 while people celebrated VE Day - Victory in Europe day, the Pacific Theater seemed to be forgotten… but the Japanese kept on attacking with their kamikaze runs.

On May 11, 1045, the US flag bearer USS Bunker Hill, an Essex-class aircraft carrier with 90-100 aircraft on-board was very badly damaged when two kamikaze craft hit it killing nearly 400 men.

USS Bunker Hill hit by two Kamikazes in 30 seconds on May 11, 1945 off Kyushu. From Archival Research Catalog.

Despite these heavy losses, Japan's Special Attack Unit was racking up heavy losses of its own, with an average of less than two planes per 100 kamikaze actually hitting am Allied vessel… and that was with experienced Japanese pilots.

Kamikaze pilot Ensign Ogawa Kiyoshi (surname first), who damaged the carrier USS Bunker Hill during Operation Kikusui No. 6 on May 11th, 1945.

But by this time, Japan was running out of experienced pilots, and was being forced to take raw rookies, who were only too happy to continue volunteering to die for their country thanks to some well-done propaganda.

On May 14, 1945, the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise (CV-6) - and the new US flag bearer - was hit for the second and last time by a kamikaze… (The first was on March 11), destroying its forward elevator and killing 14 and wounding 34, and effectively taking her out of the war.

That's two aircraft carriers down, but Japan no longer had the aircraft to sustain the kamikaze offensive with large attacking raids.

Still… they did what they could, and continued raids through June and into July, though the results were not as effective:

3,000 US men dead in April and May 1945.
300 US men dead in June and July 1945.

1,900 kamikaze men died and aircraft lost, sinking or taking out a total of 47 vessels:
    •    three escort carriers: USS St. Lo, USS Ommaney Bay and USS Bismarck Sea
    •    14 destroyers, including the last ship to be sunk, USS Callaghan (DD-792) on 29 July 1945, off Okinawa
    •    three high-speed transport ships
    •    five Landing Ship, Tank
    •    four Landing Ship Medium
    •    three Landing Ship Medium (Rocket)
    •    one auxiliary tanker
    •    three Canadian Victory ships
    •    three Liberty ships
    •    two high-speed minesweepers
    •    one Auk class minesweeper
    •    one submarine chaser
    •    two PT boats
    •    two Landing Craft Support

On June 21, 1945, Okinawa is finally taken by Allied forces - a terribly bloody battle for both sides:

12,000 Allied dead;
200,000 Japanese dead.

With such ferocious fighting by the Japanese, the US wondered aloud just how the Japanese would react when faced with an invading Allied attack force on its main island.

They were worried their own US/Allied casualties would be so heavy… that the Japanese army and the Japanese civilians would never give up…

They knew that the Japanese did not know how to lose... that they did not know how to surrender.

And yet… the Japanese were secretly brokering peace (though in its infancy)… while still publicly being defiant urging its 100 million citizens that they should be willing to die defending their country as the kamikaze did.

As such, the Japanese government trained common citizens to use bamboo poles in an effort to kill or be killed.

But the U.S. didn't know that despite Japan's out of control defiance, that there were cracks in the Japanese psyche… that it wasn't sold on the do-or-die routine. All the US knew was that the Japanese would fight to the death.

It was this fear that led to the US to use the atomic bomb in an effort to end the war quickly.

On August 6, 1945 the first atomic bomb was dropped over Hiroshima killing some 90-166,000 people… mostly all civilians, though Hiroshima did have a large squadron of military present.

Hiroshima's health department estimates: 60% died from flash or flame burns, 30% from falling debris and 10% from other causes.

US estimates, over the following months suggest: total immediate and short term cause of death, 15–20% died from radiation sickness, 20–30% from burns, and 50–60% from other injuries, compounded by illness.

Not surrendering yet, Japan remained defiant. A second atomic bomb was dropped on Nagasaki on August 9, 1945, killing between 60,000-80,000 people, again mostly civilians.

On August 15, six days after Nagasaki was bombed, Japan surrendered. Not knowing how to surrender… remember I said that? It took six days after two of its cities were annihilated!

On that date, for the first time ever, the people of Japan heard its Emperor speak.

However… Ugaki Matome - the leader of the Special Attack Unit - had plans of his own. Citing that he never actually heard an order to lay down its arms, he proposed to take off with a squadron of kamikaze on a mission of his own… to achieve glory and godhood....

And so, Ugaki Matome, escorted by 11 fighter escorts (and 22 men), decided to attack Allied forces at Okinawa… even though he knew that Japan had surrendered.

"…to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

—Moby-Dick, Chapter 135. "The Chase.—Third Day" 



That would be Captain Ahab or Khan and his maniacal pursuit of the White Whale, Captain Kirk.

Ugaki Matome (surname first) - moments before his ill-advised attack - the  last kamikaze raid. He looks happy.

As a fitting end to a stupid and desperate plan, the last kamikaze raid did not reach its intended target, and none of the men were seen alive again.

And there you have it… the story of the kamikaze… truncated by my self, to be sure…

It's how the ferocity and sacrificial attacks of suicide led to the only usage of atomic weaponry ever… leading to a fearful new world of MAD (mutual assured destruction) hanging over the world since then as countries and so-called terrorist factions seek a nuclear advantage to shape the world in an image forever sullied.

Bushido…. the way of the warrior…. kamikaze… the divine wind… atomic bombings…

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

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Fastest Way To Answer A Telephone

Want to know the fastest way to answer a cellphone?

 Geez... just watch the damn video here courtesy: HERE

Cheers
Andrew Joseph 

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Za Gaman - Endurance - The Pain Game TV Show

In Japan, much like in many countries around the world, when a young man or young woman finally makes it into university, a little silicon switch inside their brain tends to - more often than not - switch to overload.

While university is supposed to be about higher learning, nowadays it's more about learning how to get higher.

Even though I missed out on campus life by living at home, I spent my fair share of the time in university being drunk out of my gourd. The same for college... because I did a combined seven extra years of post-secondary education - time long enough to become a doctor... which of course I am not. At least not professionally.

But, I do know that while many people do crack the books and become leaders of society, I am also aware that others drink, do drugs, participate in also sorts of ludicrous sex and later become leaders of society.

I don't judge. I pretty much did that when I went to Japan in 1990 - for the first time ever free from the shackles of my parents who were celebrating me finally getting out of the house and hopefully getting laid, because wouldn't it be awful if Andrew never left our basement?

Anyhow... that's all water under the bridge and off a duck's back and any other water-related analogy you'd care to pipe in.

Let's look back to the 1980s... a time of incredibly bad hair in North America... a time when Andrew is proud to say he never had sex with a woman because he sure wouldn't want to recall that haircut. Man... what were hair salons thinking in that decade?

So... let's look at a television game show called Za Gaman... a program in which Japanese university students would compete in contests to see who could with stand the most pain, eat the most of a terrible food and or complete the most humiliating task.

This is the game show that made the rest of the world stand up and say, "Man that's some funny sh!t coming out of Japanese television, but what the fug is wrong with those dumb-ass Japs?"

Nothing.... they are university student contestants... they probably high on alcohol, drugs or calculus.

Za Gaman is translated into "Endurance"... and unfortunately for those contestants, it had nothing to do with seeing how far you could run.

Anyhow... here's the thing... Za Gaman was NOT a popular Japanese television program. It did, however achieve cult-like status around the world.... especially after bits of it aired on British TV.

The program was a version of an activity at Japanese universities, the gaman taikai or "endurance contest" - which apparently many universities have around the world. Man - what is wrong with you?

Back in Toronto... up until the year I got into high school, there was something called Nifty Niner Day, where basically any kid in Grade 9 could be teased and or tortured... but you couldn't kill them... always good news for me, considering I was nearly two years younger than everyone else in Grade 9 and smaller, wore glasses and was a visible minority in a time when fugging one did not involve the more hip activity of 2013 involving sex.

Urban Legend or not, at my high school it was discontinued just in time for my arrival owing to the fact that some Grade 13 students accidentally drowned a Nifty Niner by repeatedly flushing a kid's face while immersed in a toilet.

Ha-ha... pretty funny. Funny because it's not you.

But, since tragedy has obviously never struck while performing stupid human tricks at university, the trend continues.

Anyhow... Za Gamen would feature teams from prestigious universities around Japan such as Keio University, who would have to endure stuff such as being spun on the wheel of a paddle boat and holding on long enough to not drown, drinking hot sauce, being licked by some ugly mother-fugging lizards (I hate effing snakes - just call me India Joseph.... hmmm, not the same ring... and it makes me sound effeminate.), or having to be buried up to your neck in sand... for a while...

Whomever could endure the challenge the longest, was the wiener... sorry... I mean winner... I would also imagine that it would also mean you aren't going to become president of Toyota, but it is Japan, so who the fug knows what people really think about doing stupid things - and doing stupid things and winning.

In Japan, while everyone respects effort, they respect winning effort even more.

Here's a couple of You Tube clips of Za Gamen for your hilarious painful entertainment. Unlike the reality television show Susunu! Denpa Shōnen (see HERE), these dumb asses knew they were up for something torturous.


Paddlewheel:

Hot sauce and wasabi sucking:

And... since we are such sick bastards... here's one for the road from a more modern version of Za Gamen-like Japanese television show where four lucky male contestants get to wear diapers, insert something unpleasant up each other's ass and then try not to crap themselves while performing semi-athletic sporting events. No sh!t wins.

Aren't you glad you like watching a show called Jeopardy that has nothing to so with real jeopardy?

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

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Susunu! Denpa Shōnen - Humiliation For Your TV Entertainment

 

Japanese rice. It pretty much always begins and ends with Japanese rice.

Despite the global popularity of the 1998 movie The Truman Show, it wok dapper that while the Japanese have no qualms over stealing a concept, but that they really didn't get that the movie was actually a tragedy of epic proportions for which there was no winner…

In case you live under a rock and have never seen The Truman Show, it revolves around a boy growing up on television - only he is the only one who has no clue that he is the subject of the television program and thus lives a completely fake life as his real life… until the tragic day he discovers the truth… that all the
world's a stage and (except for him) all the players merely actors.

It was truly a sad, evil look at the manipulations television will go to use people to further their own greedy interests. Which is one reason I completely dislike so-called 'reality tv'. Mostly because it is not based on reality (no one is playing games on a deserted island, living with a bunch of people who want to kill you or screw you and then talk about it to a camera, or race around the world in some freak orienteering game.

Now… Japan is Japan. I love the people I have met and gotten to know over there. I love the old social customs, the new social customs, the language (of which I understand very little), the epic history, the scenery (which includes the women), the life as an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme… and more.

But I did hate Japanese television. Yes… I loved the epic comedy of Shimura-ken… and tried not to miss an episode, as his comedy pretty much transcends language… but after that - and certainly between 1990-1993, Japan maintained an epic fail rate regarding television programming offering samurai drama after samurai drama (the Japanese equivalent of the Western, which excluding Firefly by Joss Wheedon, hasn't seen the light of day since Bonanza went off the air in 1973.), and some roughly 60 per cent of the programming revolving around food… which may have been the precursor of specialty food channels in North America a few years later.

Granted… I didn't see any reality television at the time… just useless variety shows, that again pretty much had already bit the dust by 1980 in North America... though Japan still has a love-affair with these variety programs.

Now… I had heard about some wacky Japanese programming whereby contestants are basically tortured for prizes, spoofed wonderfully on The Simpsons (good luck finding a clip on it, as the right's holders are as vicious as the one's parodied by themselves regarding the estate of Charlie Chaplin after Grandpa Simpson does a forked potato dance first seen in the classic silent flick, The Gold Rush), and on Supernatural with a parody known simply as "Nutcracker", which, unfortunately, is exactly what it seems.

Enter "Susunu! Denpa Shōnen"… which takes the made-up premise of The Truman Show and turns it into real-life reality television for eager Japanese audiences.

Back in 1998, a Japanese comedian known "Nasubi" or "Eggplant" (because of the shape of his head, I assume), but is in reality named Hamatsu Tomoaki (born on August 3, 1975) won a contest to participate in some showbiz-related job. Being a comedian, how could he lose?

But... unbeknownst to Nasubi, he was going to take part in Susunu! Denpa Shōnen, a Japanese reality television show that aired on on Nippon Television between January 1998—March 2002.

To reiterate, Nasubi had no clue what was going to happen.

Taken blindfolded to an apartment in Tokyo, Nasubi was asked to strip naked and then told that he would have to enter mail-in contests for however long it took for him to win ¥1-million (Cdn/US $10,000) in prize-value.

So… that sounds boring… what's so funny about this?

Now... they did tell him they would be filming him throughout this, as he obviously knows where the cameras are... 

I'm not sure if it's funny, but curiously enough the show's producers did not leave him much food… meaning he would have to starve until he actually won a mail-in contest.

Wow, Japan. That's funny.

What show was on next? The Holocaust show where Jews are put into large rooms with a fake gas hissing into the room, to see what their reactions are - only, get this, the gas really is poison.

Seriously. WTF Japan? If this was war, you guys would be breaking every frickin' law of the Geneva Convention.

It makes one think, that if you could starve a man for entertainment, just what would you do in a war when scientific experiments are "important" to someone somewhere?

Fug.

Let's take a look at the first episode on YouTube. It's all in Japanese, but with my description, you should have a pretty good idea of what is going on.

It's not so bad. But that's only because the guy hasn't begun to starve yet. I'm unsure if water was provided, but there is water in the toilet… but they wouldn't make him drink out of there like some shameful enemy dog of the Japanese Empire? Would they?

So… Nasubi is locked in the apartment, stripped naked, cut off from all forms of outside communication (like TV or newspapers), and only had racks of magazines to entertain him… and he had to go through them to enter contests…. contests he had to win in order to get food, and a ticket to freedom. Oh… and of course, he had no idea that he was on television… it kind of all sounds like quite the elaborate trick someone could do to kidnap and torture someone…

I have no idea if Nasubi tried to or not, but I would be pulling my own version of Cool Hand Luke and trying to escape to banging on the pipes on the washroom, smashing a window or wall with the table or magazine racks - something.

I'd probably also be doing a lot of masturbation, but that's just me when I'm bored. Or not bored.

Nasubi was also allotted a table, a cushion, a small radio, and some pens… though no paper.

I will assume that no matter what contest he entered, Nasubi would win… or at least win something… I mean… there was no guarantee that he would win that all important first contest.

As such… two-weeks later after entering his prison and not having any food to eat, he apparently won some jelly in a magazine contest.

WTF contest gives jelly as a prize? Thank god someone did, or Nasubi would surely be dead. Anyhow, that jelly had a value of ¥1,560, leaving him with 'only' ¥998,440 more to win.

Other prizes won by Nasubi includes a five-kilogram bag of delicious Japanese rice… but if you'll recall the items left in the apartment—there was no way to cook the rice!

Here's some food, boy. Too bad there's no way to cook it!

But… Eggplant or not, Nasubi used a cup of water, placed some rice in there and then cooked it atop a heater… he ate about a half a cup a day using two pens as chopsticks...

He also won a television, but true to form, the television was unable to pick up any stations owing to a lack of a cable or antenna.

Later, Nasubi won a VCR… and luckily or not… he has two video tapes: one a cycling video, and the other an exercise video.

Although Nasubi seems to have had it pretty rough, perhaps the most endearing thing about this stupid program was to see that Nasubi seemed quite cheerful.

One of the things I learned in Japan was that the ability to not show weakness in the face of adversity is a trait well respected by the Japanese, and may have helped propel the program's popularity.

So... Nasubi had to win magazine contests... and did so by sending out between 3,000 to 8,000 postcards a month.

After a couple of months, though, Nasubi had only won ¥66,840-worth of prizes, and yet... every time he won something, he would dance and make-up a stupid little song about the prize he had just won explaining in it how happy he was.

Dancing while naked, by the way.

For fun, or to prevent audiences from see Eggplant's meat and two veg, the producers added a cartoon eggplant atop the film to cover up the naughty bits.

Here's a synopsis:

• May - Doctor visits Nasubi and find him in perfect health. Skinnier than before, long finger and toe nails, but healthy. Later that month his rice ran out... and he pathetically began praying for more rice.
• June - That damn media had discovered where he was being held. In the middle of the night a producer came with a flashlight, awakened him, blindfolded him and moved him to another apartment. They said it was to 'change his luck'. But the movers forgot to bring along some of his food (more rice), and Nasubi became angry: "How could you forget my rice? How could you?  Don't you know how important my rice is?"
• July - his total was now ¥550,000 - more than half way to buying his freedom. The producers then set up a live Internet feed, with a staff of 50 to ensure his private parts were always covered with that cartoon eggplant.
• August - two weeks without winning a contest.
• September - the contests he did win were small, taking in about ¥10,000 only. But, as a reward, the producers/wardens let him out of the apartment - to go to the beach. Naked.
• October - another apartment move. He also won a VCR, which allowed him to watch the two videos he had previously won (remember - no cable for the TV!. On the video, he saw his first woman in 10 months. I'll assume it was the exercise video.
• November - he won two rolls of toilet paper. No sh!t. He also won a Sony Play Station which he used to play a previously won train driving game. He spent three solid days on it before getting back to work on the contests.
• December - he won another bag of rice, which put him just over the ¥1,000,000 mark he needed to gain his freedom. But, he was not aware of this, and continued to enter the magazine contests. But, later that night a producer woke him up in the middle of the night with some Christmas crackers. He did not offer Nasubi any congratulations, and refused to answer any of his questions... but he did continue with the Christmas crackers... which led Nasubi to finally deduce that he had won the ¥1,000,000 challenge.  

You would think that would be it, right? I did say this was a 15-month ordeal, and Nasubi has so far only done 12... and besides... this is Japanese television... and it is twisted.

They did give him back his clothes, gave him some ramen noodles and took him out to an amusement park and then flown to South Korea to eat his favorite food, Korean barbecue.

Sated and rested, Nasubi was left alone in a room again... with more Japanese magazines on a rack... but now he was in South Korea... and he didn't know the language. Not that it mattered.

He now had to earn enough magazine contests to earn the value of a plane ticket back to Japan, which was about US/Cdn $400.

But, taking the fun out of things, Nasubi did this rather quickly, winning a television, some expensive food and other prizes.

Don't screw with the warden, however. The producers then decided - because they were making too much money off Nasubi - that the boy would have to earn first a business class ticket (done easily) and then a first-class ticket.

After achieving this rather quickly, Nasubi was finally flown back to Japan. 


Nasubi's ordeal lasted 15 months in that little apartment, with what can only be described as a failure to communicate.

15 months! Who can I sue? They starved Nasubi. Humiliated Nasubi. Profited heavily off Nasubi. And… sadly enough… Japanese television audiences watched his humiliating ordeal with joyful abandon.

Initially, Nasubi seems to be in good spirits... but 15 months of isolation can take its toll on a person - far worse than any homesickness an AET might feel in Japan... because at least you can see and talk to other people and feel the heat of the sun on your skin. It really was worse than prison.

And yet... we are still not done.

The producers led Nasubi to another room... and left him there for a short while.

Because for the past 15 months he had pretty much lived in the nude, Nasubi, out of force of habit, removed his clothing.

And then comes the reveal... which involves the ceiling lifting off and the walls of the room falling away thus revealing Nasubi naked and in front of 1,000 screaming people part of a television studio audience. With much laughter at his discomfort.

The hosts of Susunu! Denpa Shōnen then told Nasubi the truth over what they had all put him through these past 15 months.

They did note, however, that the diary Nasubi had been keeping was now a #1 Bestseller book, grossing hundreds of thousands of yen... which isn't really that much.

But he did gain some good coin when they had filmed him eating that last bowl of ramen noodles, the footage of which was sold to become a very popular television commercial.

From what I have been able to piece together from various sites, here are some of the magazine contests Nasubi won:

• 
two vacuums
• rice (4x, 35 kg total);
• shoes
• a watermelon
• cutlery set
• ice cream
• chocolates
• natto (2x)
• bicycle
• television
• a globe
• stuffed animals
• dental care products
• videos
• pickled egg plant
• a poster of actress Hirosue Ryoko
• free tickets to the Spice Girls movie (yay?)
• a coupon for a free English lesson (2x) - I will give Nasubi free English lessons if he puts on some pants
• headphones
• a CD ROM??
• huge box of potato chips
• duck meat
• a barbecue
• Japanese snacks
• a belt
• sexy women's underwear (he did try to wear them, but it wouldn't fit - thank god)
• Matsutake mushrooms
• steak
• a tent
• attache case
• car tires (4)
• photo book
• golf balls 


Apparently Nasubi - though he tried - never won:
 clothes, plates, soap, books, a bed or futon, sheets, blankets, pots or pans.

And... if that wasn't all bad enough for Nasubi who was trying to become famous as a comedian, he never achieved any great success after that on television. Give us reality or give us failure, I suppose.

But... while we can all feel a bit of sadness (I hope) at what fate and Japanese television has thrown-up onto ole Nasubi, he has found a bit of success... going back to Fukushima-ken (where he's from) and became a
dramatic stage actor, founding the stage troupe "Eggplant Way" performing all over Japan. He has also starred in Densha Otoko, Trick, Atashinchi no Danshi, and recently portrayed the character Watcherman in Kamen Rider W.

I have no idea if that is success or not, but I can only hope that after 15 months locked in an apartment forced to labor to buy his freedom from his Japanese wardens, that he was paid a lot of money for his troubles.

Japan... WTF?

Andrew Joseph

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How To Really Date Japanese Women

This is not a how-to blog… if you are looking for that, I had previously written an article on How To Date Japanese Women - see HERE, and it's been one the most popular read on Japan—It's A Wonderful Rife, with over 54,600 hits, as of this writing.That's pretty damn good! Thanks!

It has some good data on what it is that Japanese women are like, and what they want - and I think I did a damn fine job on it.

I talked about how Japanese women are like every other woman around the world in that they want romance, though there are some idiosyncrasies that are uniquely Japanese… again… that was previously covered.

But I may have left off a few things.

Now… this blog…this one right here... it's an overview of my dating advice…

First a disclaimer. Often enough, I have received questions from readers—specific questions posed to me—asking "what should I do?"

First off… I'm not an expert on dating. I'm an expert on MY dating.

I am not telling you what to do… I can offer advice, but by no means is it going to be perfect advice because although you may be thinking you are telling me everything about your would-be dating scenario, you aren't. It takes two to tango (three to form a Conga line, but only one to do the Twist.)

That means I'm only getting one side of the argument (yours). And, like you, I have no idea what your would-be Japanese date is thinking at any given moment.

Man... bottom-boob is sexy!!!

Secondly… it has been 20 years since I was last in Japan, but the following advice is generic enough, that it will hold true.

Also… please note that 20 years ago I was a lot better looking than I am now, but even then I wasn't Brad Pitt. I was okay-looking. In okay shape. But then, as now, I possessed a wicked sense of humor, above-average intelligence that can respond to any situation quickly, and always wore a smile on my face.

Granted… when I left Japan I began working out six times a week at the gym, kept my body weight, dropped a couple of inches off my waist and added 12 to my chest. I never had a six-pack, but I could sure drink one.

Now while I end up sleeping with more women over the next six years than I did in three years in Japan, I did far better in sex per calendar year in Nippon.

And yet, my face still looked the same….. but I slept with more women - above my standing - than I had any right of achieving.

How?

1) Confidence. This is something you will require when you want to ask out anyone. Having too much swagger will make you look like a goof, and while some women don't mind that for a one-night stand, clearly that crap won't win out when you are looking for real dating… hoping to have it lead to something more.

You have to ask her out.

Regular readers know that until I went to Japan about to turn 26, I still hadn't slept with a woman. No big deal. But... to me it was a big deal because you start wondering what's wrong with yourself.

Truth is… I was shy. At least around women. So I became their friend first hoping they would see the wonders that are Andrew and then realize that yes, he is the guy I am after.

That doesn't work.

While you should indeed be a friend to your girlfriend, under no circumstances should you attempt to only be her friend first, and then try and change the arrangement to boyfriend/girlfriend status.

I have been friends to too many women I have wanted to screw into orgasmic bliss, and being friends, none wanted to cross that line with me (though it can happen - just not to me).

So… arriving in Japan, I had just begun to come out of my shell… Back in Toronto, I had been friend-dating three beautiful women any guy would love to have on their arms: a freckly green-eyed redhead, blue-eyed blonde and a brown-eyed brunette. And I was 'dating' them all at the same time.

Friends. Men can not really be true friends with a woman because they always want to screw their brains out. Mmmmmm… intelligence.

So… in the process of re-inventing myself, I became less afraid of failure. That's where JET came in. Getting hired to teach English in Japan was a kick in the ass to me. It made me realize that I was important. Getting hired by the Toronto Star newspaper did that too.

Having a hot chick like Kristine chat me up (in a non-sexual way, mind you - I never got to sleep with her, though she told me a couple of years ago, she would have if the opportunity had presented itself) on my first night in Japan gave me confidence that maybe women did like me…

Having Ashley pick me up on the second night in Japan made me realize I was a guy a woman might like for sex.

And let me tell you… thanks to Kristine and Ashley… after three months in Japan, I had already slept with three women… the other two were only after Ashley broke up with me - before getting back with me.

Now… despite oozing confidence… I never actually asked anyone out. In every instance but one (my later fiance), about 50 women in Japan asked me out. Thirty that I slept with anyway.

Confidence? My confidence was so well controlled that I had women asking me out.

Why? I like to think it's because I am a touchy-feeling kind of guy. I seem to be the type of guy who will touch a person's shoulder or pat them on the back - to a man in a non-sexual way, to a woman (anyway I do that is going to be in a sexual way) - but in just the perfect amount of pressure and length of time to not have it be creepy, but to have it either be friendly or seductive.

I can't teach that. I didn't learn it… except maybe I did… I don't know. It's the ability to read people… and all told, 95% of the time I can. Especially face-to-face. Social media? No way. People lie and BS all the time. Check out how many times a person writes "LOL" (Laughing out loud)… now ask yourself when was the last time you heard someone actually laugh out loud? According to social media, people are much happier than they are in real life.

So… let's see… confidence, without being a prick.

Smiling… but not with teeth showing… unless…

Eye-contact… something brief and flirty and not staring. Eyes are the window to the soul… I saw that with C… Nobuko when I first caught sight of her… and immediately went over to say hello… got rebuffed, but had the confidence or stupidity to write a Japanese woman a Japanese haiku (poem) in English.

I had the confidence and stupidity to then not be put off by her handing it back to me saying "Hmmf. That's nice…." before telling her that "No… I wrote it for you" before sliding it back towards her, smiling, bowing and walking away without a second glance.

That, my friends, is confidence spelled "B-A-L-L-S".

Does she scare you? She shouldn't.

Confidence is being rebuffed by a woman's non-exuberance, and still thinking you have a shot if you can only get her to see the real you (which in my case was a really nice guy who was good at sex).

Now… remember what I said about two sides of the story… I had no idea that Nobuko thought I was a player… because I looked like one… and had a reputation around Tochigi-ken for stirring up juicy trouble with my penis.

Juicy? Yes. Trouble? Never.

Player? Not really as I was asked out… though I certainly made that process easy after word of mouth and other parts traveled around town. But no… I never used women. I may have been used by Japanese women for sex, and I, them, but no one was under any allusion that there would be a relationship forthcoming.

True enough that we had to like each other first. I had to respect their intelligence… I am proud to say I never had sex with a woman dumber than me. Lack of intelligence - and I'm not talking book smart or school smart or street smart - I'm talking about being conversant in things I find interesting, whether it's some metal music group, Alice In Wonderland, or comic books… or whatever - I have very broad tastes… but they have to be able add to the topic. You can't add, I don't want to multiply.

Where were we?

Confidence. Smiling. Eye-contact.

It helps if the woman you are after also possesses these things. Intelligence too.

She's strong enough to work multiple social media devices!

Anyhow… I tend to like strong women. Not physically… I still want to open up the pickle jar for them… but emotionally strong. This is where it gets tricky. Just like you, women can be emotionally strong one way and emotionally weak another. It's called being human.

The trick is to find the right combination of emotions you can handle, just as the same goes for her.

I dated a psychopath in Japan. More than a few, actually. I'm unsure if that was the type I attracted at that time, or if that was me not knowing enough about people…

Did I really want to be their Red Cap and carry their baggage? We all have baggage. If you don't, your ego is your baggage.

But… if the baggage is so heavy that you can tote that bale, well… you're screwed - in the not so fun way.

In Japan, I've had an S&M stalker, a woman looking for someone to take the place of her dead fiance, serious daddy issues women, chicks with more old-school than new-school attitudes about relationships, depressed women, poor self-worth women… and more that just depress me were I to think about them. And no… they weren't all Japanese women.

If you think getting past the emotional baggage is tricky with someone who speaks your language - try it with a Japanese women who doesn't communicate as well in English and who was brought up in a Japanese society and has a different upbringing dependent on her parents….

The Dove (not soap) Japan girls!

Maybe there's a different trick… no... trick is not the word… maybe not coming off desperate for sex is key.

Women know that you want to screw them. If they don't it's because they have to block that information out of their mind or they would go crazy.

Guys know that they want to screw every woman they see, but they have to block MOST of that out, or they would go crazy, too.

I showed Nobuko that I was interested in her. Yeah, I wanted to screw her… but I was also interested in getting to know her.

While I did not use this scenario on Nobuko… it did occur with another Japanese woman:

"Would you like to go for a coffee after work?"

You get a yes or no answer… if she says no, but offers an alternative date or time - that's good.

"Mmmmmm, okay," she answered

Now… let's jump to the coffee shop…

After working small talk about how much you like Japan (never talk about the bad things!!!! ya ijit!!!!)...

Me: "So… Keiko… are you married?"

It always helps if you already know the answer to this question and if it matters to you. 

Keiko: "No."

(Now… a smart woman will add, if applicable, "but I do have a boyfriend").

Keiko: "… but I do have a boyfriend."

Me (disappointed): "Oh… that's too bad…"

Keiko: "Why?"

Gotcha!

Me: "Because I was hoping we could date or at least have sex."

And then I laughed… because I was serious.

Me: "I'm just kidding…. of course I was hoping you were single so we could date."

Mission accomplished.

What? How is that 'mission accomplished'??!!

Well… Keiko now knows that I am interested in dating her. More than as a friend. And I can make her laugh.

The point is not not looked crushed… and to shrug it off like it's no big deal. That's confidence.

But you know what real confidence is… confidence is then adding the following to the conversation:

Me: "Well, if you ever want to go out, let me know."

And smile and laugh… and continue talking about stuff… not about her boyfriend or sex or about you, but rather about things that are special about your town… which gives you more insight on her.

Anyhow… bottom line… Keiko did call me. She called me up a week later. I did not give her my phone number, but somehow she had it.

There was no boyfriend. It's a fail-safe bullcrap thing all women say to avoid being hit upon… until they determine that they want to be hit upon.

And… if there was a boyfriend… and she broke up with him, or only said she did… well, that's only your concern if he is a black belt in karate - which is always a possibility in Japan.

So… there you have it.

Yes... you can. But maybe ask the Yakuza first.

If you want to date a Japanese women, you need confidence in yourself. The confidence to talk. The confidence to realize you deserve to get what you want. The confidence to walk away if it doesn't work out. Confidence.You have to try. The worst that can happen is you get rebuffed... and it wasn't meant to be.

Don't worry. Your real soul-mate is out there... but you have to get out of your non-confident rut and start looking.

You might also want to move to Japan where there are a lot of Japanese women. Or so I hear.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

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