And then there's this... what I like to call American Kabuki, or what the rest of the world knows it as 'mascots'.
The photo above - I have no idea where those two mascots are from - Mario and Luigi? Why is there a band-aid on the penis head?
Seems that this past Sunday, January 27, 2013, a bunch of Japanese mascots set a Guinness Record for most number of mascots performing a synchronized dance.
Oh, that the race of man could sink so low.
You can tell I am not at all down with this record.
There were a total of 141 people dressed up as a mascot - and, if you know who any of them are, please let me know so I can do additional mocking - and, setting the record were 134 of them who danced continuously and in unison for five minutes.
That was the gist. Continuously and In Unison. For FIVE minutes.
The American Kabuki - mascots - were the domain of sports teams. The Phillie Phanatic and the San Diego Chicken were perhaps the two most famous mascots in the history of sports - both in the National League of Major League Baseball.
Twenty years ago, there was even a Simpson's episode where Homer was called to the big leagues to be a baseball team mascot... but failed, as hick town antics failed to impress the high-falooting City dwellers.
Anyhow, these Japanese mascots are known as yuru-kyara (it means 'loose characters) and danced to a descent enough musical tune - something called The Beard Dance - which sounds slightly dirty, now that I think of it... yes... I'm having a flashback... arms flailing from side to side... no wait... I'm just falling off my chair. Always keep the feet of your chair on the ground.
The Beard Dance is something done by The Drifters, a Japanese comedy-rock band (a part of me wants to say - is there any other? - but I have heard some good stuff via Marketing Japan!). Isn't there a 50s American doo-wop group called The Drifters? So much for Japanese originality!
Anyhow... 'loose characters' doing the beard dance? It sounds like a typical night out for old Andrew back in Japan and for quite few years afterwards here in Toronto. It's not so much 'dirty' as it is full of sexual innuendo. Even the word 'innuendo' is full of innuendo.
So... the mascots set the record on their third attempt. Whew! That's a lot of dirty dancing by these mascots in big, sweaty costumes. Is that vomit I smell?
Anyhow... once Japan discovered the cuteness factor that could be obtained via American Kabuki, it has taken over the genre. Excluding the government, Japan never does anything half-assed. That can't be right. I should have looked up some numbers, but I didn't feel like I had to.
Nowadays, Japan uses mascots to promote product brands (sure, McDonald's did it!), recycling (America had Woodsy Owl - Give a hoot! Don't Pollute! - obviously the campaign worked, if I can remember that and can hoot), tax collectors (uh... does it look like the Sheriff of Nottingham?), and even the Liberal Democratic Party is looking for one (I say it should look like a horses ass).
I have no idea how anyone can know this, but there are an estimated 1,000 yura-kyara in Japan.
Why Japan?
It's this love of cuteness that makes Russia and China want to club you over the head like a baby seal and steal your islands.
Oh well... here's a YouTube video of the Guinness World Record. I watched it twice to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.
Somewhere hooting for Alec Guinness - these aren't the mascots you are looking for,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Special thanks, as always, to the beautiful Caroline for the heads off to the mascot story.
By the way... the very first story I ever wrote for the Toronto Star newspaper was a piece on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles meeting Domer (the Toronto Skydome Turtle). While the story sucked - mascots are not allowed to speak, so my interview with those pizza-eating adolescent martial-arts Chelonii was rather one-sided with me having to creatively ask and answer questions so they could nod 'yes' or 'no' or point to their nose with a bulbous finger - I did enjoy hitting on the moms who were at the event with their Little Monsters. My own Guinness Record for futility (ie more virgin than Jesus' mom) held strong and true for another few months until I got to Japan and came out of my shell.
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