Lay Down Your Arms And Shindai In The Bedroom

Interesting book, eh? Makes you want to see just what the hell is going on, right?

We know the Japanese are freaky sometimes, but a martial art built up on pillow fighting?

Called shindai, authors Ellen Schumacher and Tomi Nobunuga want to show you via this old $0.75 book—Shindai: The Art of Japanese Bed-Fighting—a way to improve things in the bedroom, boldly stating on the front cover that shindai picks up where the kama sutra leaves off.

Are you serious? After performing kama sutra position #22 - The Dolphin, I'm still having an orgasm that started sometime in 1998!

So... if this Japanese shindai thing was better than the India kama sutra thing, I was interested in expanding my horizons just in case something should arise whereby I might be able to employ my skills in this martial art.

So... bed fighting? That's better than bed-wetting, in my book. I assume that to be an expert in shindai, rather than be a blackbelt, it's better to be a no-belt (or no underwear) fighter - at least that sounds like fun.

I have NOT read the book, but dammit, I would still like too. But this is not a martial art where there is a dojo (sports training center), heck... it doesn't even look remotely intimate. Hell... why is that dude eating the pillow? I am sure that if I am involved in an intimate, erotic event, I can find tastier things to much down on.

And WTF? I know my kanji is rusty, but the symbol on the pillow that he's eating... that means 'man' doesn't it? Shouldn't he be eating the one marked 'woman'? ..... ohhhhhhh. Nevermind. Whatever tickles your fancy.

Okay... I suppose the image below of the two Japanese folk whacking each other with feathery pillows is sexy to someone, but this book is attempting to show an erotic bedroom event. Shouldn't someone look like they are getting naked? Shouldn't there be a bed? Or a bedroom? The only thing swinging are pillows!

Oh well, perhaps the sex will occur when the shindai is over and the Japanese woman slips into a maid's outfit so that she can clean the room while the man prepares for sex by having her serve him some shochu (fermented rice wine) and a sammich (sandwich) while he horns up watching Japanese baseball teams like the Swallows climb all over the Golden Eagles.

"Honey - hurry up. More shochu! The game is over, and you still haven't picked up all the feathers and unrolled our matrimonial futon onto the—Zzzzzzzzzz."

Okay, enough pillow talk. I researched the crap out of the whole shindai thing, and while I am sure that the concept was written as a kinky form of bedroom behavior, I am sorry to report that as a martial art, shindai does not exist. It's a pull-your-leg (or whatever) kind of joke.

Check out the back of the book. Dell, the publisher (back in the 1960s and before, they published such wholesome media as Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck comic books!), is still attempting to pull the wool over your eyes (or is it silk? Silk wold make it more erotic!).

Kuchi Kamima (mouth-something or another?) What the heck does Kamima mean? Hane (feather) blows? Futa (cap or lid)? Mawarima - does that mean 'translation'?

I love the 'when and how to approach the pillo-partner'. It's not a 'pillow'.  It's a 'pillo'. All I imagine when I read that 'approach' part is Inspector Clouseau trying sneak up on a hidden Kato, in the original Pink Panther movie series. "Little yellow swine." Did Clouseau really say that?

Anyhow... looks like a sort of fun book. If anyone has a copy they aren't using and would care to send a donation my way, I would be most appreciative. At the very least, it might help put me to sleep.

Spank-you very much,
Andrew Joseph