Okay, I don't play a TV talent on Japanese television. They prefer their gaijin to act stupid and have superior Japanese-language skills. I have one of those attributes.
And... as for dating women... my opinions may be dated (time-wise).
One reader asked me if Japanese women were looking for a 'bad boy'.
I think that just like anywhere on this planet, women don't mind dating a bad boy, but they usually don't want to marry them. Guys need to adapt to the situation. I did. Though I still wouldn't mind being a bad boy.
I was also asked re: bad boy, whether or not it might be the fact that I am a gaijin (foreigner/outsider) and since I am not privy to all of Japan's social customs, whether or not Japanese women might find my rude behavior kind of 'interesting' by being bad without being threatening?
Good question...but, No... I don't think the social mistakes thing is a major factor in being a bad boy or as something a woman would LOOK for. It might be a turn on when it happens - but I really doubt that.
As for a helpless gaijin routine, that was me, as many women tried to help me, because I appeared non-threatening.
But... I never played on that.
If I was lost while traveling in Japan (often), regardless of sex, I would ask the first person I saw who was better dressed than the usual rank and file, hoping THEY spoke English, or had the patience for my Grade 1 Japanese skills. While some women like mothering, I think Japanese women (and women in general) want someone to 'look after them' - to be strong, without having to 'look after them'.
So... no.... I don't think women look for a bad boy who won't take off his shoes at a restaurant. I think they might seek out a bad boy who drives too fast, tells dirty jokes... maybe acts more forward than most. But again, I think that is only for short-term gain.
Just as a real man wants a real woman - nothing fake - I firmly believe that a real woman wants a real man. Someone who can treat them nice, tell them they are pretty, someone to hold. someone to talk too, someone to make them happy and smile. And... when the sh!t hits the fan, is there to help solve the problem. And... while book smarts are a plus, sometimes I think it's a negative... you need a bit of both. What man or woman wants to be around someone who isn't as smart as them? That's settling and unsettling at the same time, if you know what I mean.
Another question wondered what element of the interaction and perception gets her past konnichiwa (hello) and 'how's the weather' to 'how much noise do you make?' (I think they mean 'sex'.)
My answer is simply: eye-contact. I may have a voice that could melt butter at the north pole, but what does that mean in Japan or Canad, if no one understands what I am saying?
See that photo above? If the first thing you looked at wasn't her eyes - you already blew your chance.
The eyes have it. This is the level of interaction that people forget about. People think it's what you say or what you look like, but really, it can be the subtle things that can alter perception and open the doors.
There is the known and the unknown, and in-between are the doors. Sorry, I just wanted to say that line ever since I read it 23 years ago.
This kind of goes for any woman, but I think the ability to look without staring is important, as is the ability to look and see, rather than simply looking.
One of greatest gifts is my ability to quickly analyze a situation and see just who got their hair done since I last saw them, how nice is that tie? didn't you wear that same shirt yesterday? Didn't you have an eyebrow ring? Oooh, that top really brings out your eyes.
And, I can do that in seconds and can say anything while being honest. It's probably why I was a decent newspaper reporter and card player. There's always a joker in the deck!
Obviously I wouldn't mention the same clothes as yesterday routine unless it was to a male friend. To a woman? She may have slept over at someone else's place, and they don't want to broadcast that fact.
Anyhow... eye-contact.
More than anything, if you can smile with your eyes, you immediately put a woman at ease - regardless of ethnicity.
I also think smiling (as a gaijin) is a big thing in Japan. People are so serious when they first meet in Japan, that smiling breaks down cultural, social and sexual barriers.
Doing simple things like this - while adhering to Japanese social customs - is a big plus. By that, I mean bowing et al.
If you notice you are going to be introduced a Japanese woman... look at her and smile - even a slight bump in the eyebrows - that lets her (subconsciously or consciously) know that you have noticed her.
Then, when you have the formal introduction... you do the bowing and saying of the usual correct Japanese things... and when that is done... make eye contact, again.
They will look away.. and that's fine... linger a second longer and look away, too. But go back five seconds later... let her catch you. Smile. (No teeth!) And don't forget to have eyes that sparkle.
They will often ask the stupidest question (all women): what are you looking at?
Now... depending on HOW that is asked... you can pull your line:
Romantic: I was just looking at all the beautiful decorations in the room and see that you outshine them all.
Nice guy: You. I love your smile.
Idjit. Nice tits.
The trick to be a good gaijin in Japan, is to be able to speak Japanese while smiling - no teeth - just smiling. Get the eyes crinkling... .
Because you are a foreigner... when you aren't looking, everyone will be looking at you. If you see a woman you like, and there are kids/students around - use the kids to your advantage... especially jr. and sr. high kids.
Girls will pick up on any attention you pay to another member of the opposite sex. They are your allies, if THEY (the girls) like you, and will start to tease the adult female... and ask if she likes you.
I have seen it a hundred times... Okay... maybe seven or eight times.
My god... those kids really went to bat for me with Nobuko... and changed her opinion of me after a week of their badgering.
When I met Nobuko (or rather, when she met me), I was slicker than an ex-girlfriend (sorry, that just slipped out). Nobuko did not like me then, because her initial feelings were that she thought I was a player. I wasn't, but I looked the part, being a Metrosexual a decade or more before the term was created.
The students (boys and girls) actually asked me if I thought she was pretty, and if I liked her. I said yes... she's verrrrry pretty... that verrrrry word got them thinking. They began to play matchmaker FOR me, while I just went about my business of complimenting her hair or clothes, or how great a teacher I thought she was, or how well the kids responded to her...
In school... the job compliment thing is far better. Outside of work, the personal attention to detail works better.
If you mix up the two... you send the wrong signal. If you are at a social gathering and talk work (even if it is a work gathering) - the opportunity can be blown.
That's all for now. Now that you have found her, go out and get her. Oh... and remember to let her into your heart, and then you can start to make it better. Yeah.
Cheers
Andrew Joseph
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