The cat is often described as a bringer of bad luck and a bringer of good luck - it just depends on where you happen to be sitting.
In Canada and the U.S., having a black cat cross your path is deemed to be unlucky.
But, in Japan, black cat is seen as lucky. The Brits, too. Uh... the Brits seeing black cats is a lucky thing.
All superstitious claptrap, says Andrew with his fingers crossed, that coming from people not named Ted Nugent who are suffering from Cat Scratch Fever.
Hmm… sounds like I'm trying too hard.
Anyhow… if you walked towards any shop in Japan, you are sure to see a fake cat in the front window… something called a Maneki Neko (which pretty much translates into 'good luck cat' or 'good fortune cat'). See image above from Wikipedia.
There in the window, perched on its hind legs, the neck (cat) sits with its right paw up and bent.
It's meant to draw visitors into the shop.
In Japan, when a Japanese person wants to to come over, they lift the lift their hand up, bending it at the elbow, bending the hand palm down to the floor. The fingers are then bent at the 'hand' joint and is manipulated back in forth.
I was going to show you a video of me calling my cat the Japanese way - but decided it would not be a good example, because cats are notorious for not listening to one's pleas. And my cat doesn't understand Japanese. Stupid cat.
According to legend - so you know it must be true - once upon a time in a year no one can remember or in a place no one recalls, involving people no one is sure existed - a cat waved a paw at a passing Japanese landlord - perhaps to explain why it was late with its rent.
Okay - the jokes are better now, but let's start that story again.
A cat waves its paw at a passing Japanese landlord. Now, because the landlord had never seen a cat do that before, he moved towards the cat.
Seconds later, a lightning bolt from out of the blue struck the ground where the landlord had been standing.
That was pretty lucky, wasn't it?
The landlord thought so too, and believed that his good luck was due to the cat's strange paw waving.
This is not just some yokel phenomenon. This is a country-wide superstition in Japan.
My question is - just what the hell sort of landlord was this guy? I mean, so what… lightning missed him… and now the entire country believes him that his lucky circumstance is due to a cat? Who is this guy?
Okay… so we've seen cats that can draw good fortune for people - how about something called a bakeneko (pronounced 'ba-k-nay-co), which translates to 'monster-cat'.
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| Bakeneko - by Buson. |
Cross my heart, this creature does not exist. It is a part of Japanese folklore, though there is always a granule of truth in any bit of folklore. Maybe.
A bakeneko is an ordinary cat that can become a monster cat if any of the following three things occur:
- lives to be over 10 years of age (my cat is 20);
- reaches one kan in weight (that's 3.75 kg or 8.25 lbs) (crap! 8.3lbs!);
- grows its tail too long.
Cats getting past 10? Okay, maybe in the old days cats in Japan were not so long-lived… but one kan of weight? My cat is freaking tiny and weighs more than enough to become a frankenpussy. My first cat was a monster… he was a big bugger weighing nearly three kan!
(By the way - screw metric! I like this Japanese kan system of weight! - and no, in case you are wondering if this is a pussy cat and cans thing, 'kan' is pronounced 'kahn'.)
Now… here's where it gets freaky… apparently if a cat's tail gets too long, it sometimes splits in two - if it does, the bakeneko gets a new name - enter the nekomata!
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| Nekomata (forked tail) walking on its hind legs, illustrated by Toriyama Sekien. |
A cat with a forked tail? How devilish, he says, tossing spilled salt over his right shoulder.
Legend says (who is this legend, fellow?) that fearful owners took to cutting a cat's tail to prevent their tabby from becoming a monster!
This could explain the Japanese cat breed, the Japanese Bobtail - see below:
Hell-oh Kitty
The bakeneko, in case you haven't figured it out, is essentially an evil creature. Here are some of the things a bakeneko is capable of:
- menacing (even eating) sleeping humans;
- walking on its hind legs;
- flying;
- talking;
- creating ghostly fireballs (probably from drinking lamp oil);
- leaping over a fresh corpse, turning it into a zombie (it's just that easy!);
- shape-shifting into human forms.
Shape-shifting? WTF?! After shape-shifting into the form of a human - and after killing and eating one, would sometimes take their place in the family.
(The tell-tail sign is the ability to lick one's ass without breaking its neck. Therefore to ensure your wife is not a bakeneko, have her try and lick her ass. If she can't and breaks her neck in the process - fret not! She was really your wife! - While you may think I am being an insensitive jerk, keep in mind I am substituting people and situations involved with the Salem Witch trials.)
There are stories of the cat monster taking the form of of a beautiful woman so she can marry her owner and have a large litter, I mean number of children. Uhhhh, I'm going to need a citation check here.
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| Mam begging for some pussy-cat from a bakeneko prostitute. I know what I wrote. |
Meow Mix
A bakeneko has an interesting diet. According to the stories, bakenko can eat anything in their way - meaning it could eat a tree, a rock, a rickshaw if it was in their way. Of course, this also means it could eat a boy climbing a tree, a mother-in-law under a rock or even rickshaw driver. And, despite the infinite pleasures of severe heartburn, Puss-in-boots' favorite food is poison.
Yes, poison. Come on… now you are making this cat impossible to believe in. (Yes, I said now. That's part of the joke, son. Try and keep up.)
Apparently the poison it prefers comes from a snake that is unknown to man - though in this case, I assume it means it prefers the poison of a snake the people in Japan don't know about.
Is this thing turning more and more into a satanic devil, or what?
Oh, now this is the capper. Like our leader from Nightmare on Elm Street - Freddy Kruger - a bakeneko can also enter your dreams. Why? Apparently the monster with all of its powers, is unable to get rich on its own.
Entering the dream, it cajoles the sleeper to construct a clay image of a cat to bring it the wealth it craves.
Hmmm… this sounds like it could lead right back to the maneki neko good fortune cats. Though. if that were true, then all of the cats in a shop's window are the product of evil. It's only good fortune for the cat! This could possibly explain the crappy economic might of Japan in 2013!
Get rid of all cats that wave at you! That's just creepy, anyway.
Somewhere with allergies (hey - another clue to bakeneko possession!),
Andrew Joseph
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