Like who you like, of course, but don't do so because of race because it is... well, racist.
While this article opened up a wee bit of a debate, I did receive a string of letters from a gentleman named Aiden who presented some wonderful thoughts and wondered if I would care to sound off on the opposite: Why do Japanese women like gaijin men?
They do. They must. It doesn't matter how much foreign men adore Japanese women if those women do not reciprocate.
Anyhow, whilst twitching my own penis, I already had one answer, as Japanese women assume every single foreigner must be bigger in the equipment department than his Japanese counterpart.
Maybe. But, to be fair... we can go to any country in the world, and you will probably find some guy who has a penis larger than whatever your national average is.
HERE - see my buddy's (Mister Manfred Mann) adult website (How To Survive Women) and a very popular ADULT blog that displays global penis sizes and has garnered some 68,000 hits on this one bit of writing alone. If this were a You Tube video, people might be impressed.
Anyhow, Aidan had some interesting thoughts, and I'm going to reprint a portion of his e-mails to me:
When I was in Japan for my college studies back then on an exchange program, I noticed many of the Japanese women I dated or were dating my peers in the exchange program merely dated us because they say us as "exotic" and because we were "gaijin" instead of us as a person.
Of course, when you find the right woman, she will start to see pass the "gaijin" allure you have and start loving you as a person, but every now and then with an argument she'll pull up the gaijin card, asking me if it was because I was not Japanese that I thought that way, and whoever thinks Japanese women are always submissive has never -ever- been in an argument with one. Never before had I witness polite speech as a way of ridiculing or intent on harm. When we were alone and private, she called me by my first name but when we get into an argument, she starts calling me by my last name with a -san suffix and with an extremely poisonous passive aggressive debate.
However, now that fiesty woman is now my wife and now, at the age of 26, our 3 year anniversary is coming and we are now expecting our first child to be born within the next 3 months.
However, this "gaijin" appeal doesn't apply to just the girl you're dating, because eventually as you go along she'll start seeing you as a person, but to her friends and family.
Her family was nervewrecking, when I met her parents, her older sister, and her younger brother, it felt like a gaijin interrogation. They asked me about how I grew up, my family morals, what I believed in, and most importantly my job and family income (I had nothing to be ashamed, I was pulling in good money at my age with a good education background, but dam* I felt cornered).
It was even nerve wrecking when I answered all of their questions and they just looked at me with uninteresting eyes with responses such as:
そうだね
(souda ne) - Is that right
ほんと
(honto) - Really
This usually happens when you try to appeal to the girl's family in any country, but when it comes with a gaijin feeling to it, you feel the pressure much more.
However it turned out well and thankfully her parents were happy to accept me and eventually even her siblings warmed up to me and when we got married, her father, surprisingly gave me a hug telling me that never would he thought his daughter would marry a gaijin (which disappointed me at first because I thought he still thought of me with a gaijin appeal than me as a person) but I would take care of his daughter better than any men that can be found in Japan, which I was really honored and happy to hear.
Some of my peers weren't so lucky when they tried to marry their girlfriends and got shot down by the girl's parents and the relationship ended because of the mere reason of being a "gaijin". I was lucky that my girlfriend (now wife)'s parents were accepting of me, despite the pressure I felt from them and even though she talks to her parents and siblings with Skype, when they see me or talk to me, their faces have a big smile, the same smile they used among each other to signify a close family member, which makes me feel warm seeing how far we've come to terms with each other.
However, if you plan to go to japan and date a local girl there, be mindful to not look at them as exotic, but having to remind yourself that they will look at YOU as exotic. It feels like a double standard however it's best you do the right thing, even if the whole society does not view you for who you are.
Well - thank-you, Aiden. I could pretty much end this blog right there, but ego prevents me from doing so.
Hey... at least her parents eventually accepted you.
As most of you are aware, I am a brown-skinned Canadian, born in England of parents from India. I know... whoppity-do. I am tall, wide, stupid in math, and have a voice that can melt buttered popcorn (so I am told) and am good in English. I am also a huge nerd and play all brass, woodwinds and keyboard musical instruments, but have the skill and knowledge of more than one martial art and am crazy enough to use it. I also have better than average skills in soccer and baseball, and while I'll never be considered a professional athlete, I'm not going to embarrass myself in front of my kid.
I bring all of this to your attention to show that I have a lot going for me. Back in 1990-1993, I also had a 14-inch long ponytail, a French-cut beard, wore suits to work and was one of the first men to wear teal - especially in Japan. I also had an earring, and liked to flash a bit of bling wearing my black star sapphire ring with five diamonds on an 18-carat gold ring. I also had at least three gold chains on, two watches (one per wrist), a hairy chest covered up far too often for my liking and a sense of humour that is supposedly humourous. Who the hell knows.
Having been a qualified piano and clarinet teacher, coached soccer for eight years, been the first community college student to get into the Toronto Star newspaper Summer Internship Program - the world was my freaking oyster.
I thought - for the first time in my life - that I was hot sh!t. Of course... by the time I got to Japan at the age of 25, I was still a virgin. So, hot or not, I still had that problem filling me with self-doubt every time I looked at a woman.
But... a few weeks into Japan - it was over. By the end of my first year, It was over maybe 10 times - and by that, I mean with 5 different women... by the end of the second year, I was up to 18 women, and by the time I left Japan after my third year - 28 women.
While I initially was afraid to talk to Japanese women because I simply couldn't dig the lingo, I soon got over that hump.
The question of whether or not I like Japanese women is irrelevant. I like women. I don't care where they are from. I know what I like when I see it... and that goes for women too - not that I am calling them 'it'.
While I had indeed slept with some 28 women in three years, and dated maybe close to 40, and could have had a few more notches in the old bed post, I had a steady girlfriend (pretty much) for a year, and another for six months plus.
I did okay considering my fair to middling looks... and yet,of all those opportunities, only once did I ask a woman out.
Every other time... I was asked out by the women. Both gaijin and Japanese women.
Japan was/is totally unlike anything I had known in Canada, and I bet most guys would say that those types of odds are nothing like what they have in their country.
So... forget about whether or not gaijin (foreign) men adore Japanese women - it actually takes two to tango (three to form a conga line, and one to do the twist). Rather, the point is that even if foreign guys want to date a Japanese woman, they don't have to go out with you unless they themselves want to go out with you.
Do Japanese woman want to go out with foreign men? Judging by the number of foreign guys who have a Japanese woman on their arm while strolling around the country, one would have to offer a resounding 'YES!'
But why do Japanese women want to go out with us dumb foreign guys?
Believe it or don't, I actually had quite a few female Japanese friends with whom I did not sleep with - but probably would have if I thought I could.
We talked about dating - and about dating foreign men - and about the things foreign men did/do that drove them crazy.
Truth be told, there was little difference between foreign men and Japanese men in regards to how they drove the Japanese women crazy. Sometimes... a guy can be - regardless of upbringing, or country of birth, or economic standing, or religion - a complete dick.
Regardless... why would a Japanese woman want to go out with a foreign guy - especially when foreigners are called 'gaijin'... which despite me saying it means 'foreigner', actually means 'outsider'. There is a difference, of course, but I don't believe the Japanese utilize the word very often to mean a derogatory term.
Why Japanese Women Will Date A Gaijin:
1) Exotic. Gaijin men aren't the only ones who want an exotic piece of arm candy... Japanese women do too. Sometimes, especially the young ones, just want to say that they have dated/screwed a foreigner. I had a lot of dates and one-night stands because of that. I knew that going in to these dates, and that was fine. It was flattering to be considered someone's prize. And yes... this is what Aiden said.
2) Size: I hate going on about it - because not all Japanese have a tiny penis, and not all foreigners have a large one. In fact, if you look at the How To Survive Women blog, and look up Indian men, they are at the low end of the stick. I'm not. If I went to India, I could have ruled the sub-continent porno industry with my King Cobra, even though I'm just your better-than-average Canadian. While not every woman believes that bigger is better (that's what they tell you. They lie.), they would prefer bigger if you had it. With a foreign man - that is a greater possibility than with a Japanese man. Whatever. That's according to averages... and for every smaller-than-average guy, there's a larger-than-average guy to create the average.
3) Chauvinism: Japanese men are perceived to be sexist bastards. I observed it while I lived in Japan. It might even be true now (it is). But, after more and more foreign men enter the meet/meat market in Japan, Japanese women are discovering that foreign men may actually be less chauvinistic. (Pretty much all men are chauvinistic in one way shape or form, I'm sorry to say.) (I'm just being a realist - even about myself.) Not every foreign guy is great, but many of us - myself, Matthew and Jeff, for example - had no problem in going out of our way to make our women the center of our universe. And not just when we thought people were watching us. All the time. That probably changes a bit as you get married and have to live with'em, but that's what happens in damn near every marriage/relationship. Familiarity breeds contempt. And children.
4) A Way Out: Dating a gaijin can lead to a different way of life for the Japanese woman. A chance to travel. A chance to eat different foods. A chance to not be so 'Japanese'. A chance to expand who they are as a person. The gaijin mate provides that opportunity.
5) You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman. Yes... I do think that non-Japanese men treat women differently than Japanese men. I have no proof of that, though. Just a gut feeling. Maybe no worse, or no better, but things are different. Maybe it's a willingness to express ourselves better - to show our vulnerabilities. Maybe it's more of a take-charge attitude. Maybe it's because we treat them more as equals than as 'women'. Maybe. Not all men do that, regardless of where they are from. But I did/do.
6) Daddy Issues: Maybe it's just me, but I haven't met a woman yet who didn't have daddy issues of some kind. Maybe it's just me (again), but most of the women I dated - their parents, and especially their daddy would not have approved of me. Especially in Japan.... where it was obvious that I was just going to be a passing ship in the night... that I was just the usual gaijin man who wanted to screw Japanese women. All bull crap of course (for me). For the right woman, I would still be in Japan. Nobuko had her chance (much later story - one that still hurts - I always seem to find women who can do that to me - accidentally or not). So... it is my belief, that, in some cases, a Japanese woman may go out with a bad boy (gaijin or not) just to make their daddy squirm. Did I do that to Nobuko's dad? He was the boss of all the Junior High School Teachers in Tochigi-ken (my prefecture). It was an important position (so I am told). Despite me being one of the more popular AETs on the JET Programme (my ego maniacal opinion after being told so by a few high ranking Japanese Programme officials), I am afraid that my out-going personality (I created that after arriving in Japan - or I simply came out of my shell), wild sense of humor and perpetual grin may have seemed to many a Japanese suit as though I was an ass-clown. Perhaps. Perhaps not. Maybe I was just happy. Nobuko was afraid to tell her dear old dad that we were dating, and asked that we keep our relationship as secret as possible. Sure. There's a double standard in Japan, though. Women who date gaijin men MUST be having sex before marriage - ergo, and I use that word correctly (maybe), she must be a slut. Now... we were sleeping together, but she wanted to keep the sex out of the public's knowledge and just have us appear to be friends. She lived with her parents after moving back to this area to teach at one of my schools... but she may have been correct about image. Her father could indeed have lost the all-important "FACE" amongst his colleagues if it was discovered that his beautiful daughter was dating a stupid gaijin AET (assistant English teacher) who was only here for a few more months before his third and final (at the time) contract was up and he would have to go back to Canada. I saw her point. But... I also think she did not give her father the benefit of a doubt - that maybe he cared more for her happiness than his prestigious job. That was naive thinking on my part. The Japanese male job trumps all. Even love. That sucks. So... she did have Daddy Issues... but in this case, it wasn't to get back at him. Or was it? Maybe she did want the world to find out... because one Sunday afternoon, when we traveled to another city (Utsunomiya) to see a movie, some of our students saw us holding hands while walking down the street. Unsurprisingly, the next school day... we were the talk of the school. The jig was up. A day later, her father found out. To be honest, my own OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) Office knew (they asked if she and I were dating after seeing the way we looked at each other at some teacher event - and I would not lie to these people - so I told them the truth but begged them not to tell - they did NOT). Later that night she called me in a panic because her father was royally pissed at her. I asked her what she wanted to do... she asked if she could come over and spend the night. Aha! So she did want to piss him off! There's more... but that will be revealed once I pick up where my diary left off again. Soon...
7) Could it be love? Yes, sometimes a woman wants to go out with a man because she either likes him, really likes him, or loves him. Do I think that Nobuko used me for any of the above? No. It might have looked like it, but I know we were in love... but it probably did help (and hinder) things, that I was a gaijin.
Anyhow, for better or for worse... that's my view on why Japanese women like gaijin men. I could be completely wrong, completely right or somewhere in between.
Thoughts?
Cheers
Andrew Joseph
PS: The beautiful Japanese woman above is Uchiyama Rina, a Japanese actress born the day before my birthday in 1981...
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